2013 and 2014(part 1)

The next two years were a little more of the same, but we gradually began to climb out of the pit we were in. Todd's job began to pick up new routes, and he began to make a little more money. We were able to find a house in Graham, NC that we could afford. Nothing much to look at... but it was a DEFINITE upgrade from the house we had in Mebane. The floors were only 3-4 years old, and there was a yard--scraggly and unkept... but a yard nonetheless. The kids would have a place to play. 

It was about this time(late 2013) that the commute to Durham every day began to wear on Todd.  I was commuting to Burlington or Durham for larger store trips, my occasional part-time job and doctor's appointments with three kids, etc as well. So we decided we needed to job hunt for something that would offset the cost of living 30+ miles from the city where Todd worked, or house hunt for a home closer to the city. Being TIGHTLY strapped budget-wise meant finding an affordable house closer to the city was unlikely. So that meant a possible job change. 

   

   One day in June 2014... an email came for Todd. It was from Ron Elkins.. whom we had known for years as a friend in Hobgood, NC. There was a job opening in Rocky Mount at his place of work (COECO). He was more than willing to put in a good word for Todd if he wanted the position. It would mean a move to Hobgood, where Todd was born/raised. This was an idea we had been toying with for YEARS because of the small town lifestyle and the private school that the town boasted. BUT... the caveat was a DRASTIC base pay cut... like 50%. The rest of his pay would be commission. Commission... a word that I have come to hate over the past EIGHT YEARS. No man should EVER work on commission. More on that later. For now... suffice it to say that after prayer and thought, we stepped out in FAITH (or absolute stupidity! Still not sure which 3 years later!) and made the decision to move to Hobgood. Finally our land of GLOWING opportunity!!!! Or so we thought.

                                  Eliana with the flowers in front of our house in Graham.

Aunt Ashley took pictures of the boys in a tree! 

2011 and 2012

After Eliana was born, things weren't exactly smooth sailing.  About 3 months later, Todd had a major shift at work when they changed the pest technician routes (he had been working with Terminix since 2009). This precipitated a large drop in pay. We ended up with 3 kids, and not nearly enough income. Having Todd's outstanding college loan debt we couldn't satisfy... the loans defaulted.... they garnished 25% of his wages. We were short on everything... car payments, rent, utility bills, etc.  


   In February 2012, we lost our wonderful rental home of three years in Apex, NC. The landlord was a SWEET, God-loving woman who didn't make a fuss, but had to let us go. It was the biggest shake up out little family had even seen.  We only had three weeks to find some place to go. We found a nondescript, dirty-looking house in Mebane, NC... not even a speck of grass in the yard, just dirt that turned to mud when it rained. There was so much mud. The only blessing being that my mom and sister Ashley had both rented townhouses across the street. So having them to interact with kept me from crumbling a lot of days.  But the bright spots were my kids got to play with their cousin Avery across the street, and Eliana TURNED ONE! 
   
   Money was BEYOND tight. Eliana had to use cloth diapers to save on buying disposables. (Not to mention she apparently was allergic to them!) Birthday cakes were homemade, and not always pretty. Parties were small. Christmas gifts for the kids were 2-3 each from us, but we had a real tree! There was one day in particular I remember... going to the food pantry and waiting in line behind the homeless man to rummage through the grocery cart of day old bread donations. I remember Josiah running up to me SO EXCITED about a can of dented peaches he had found on a donation shelf. I fought back tears the whole way home. HOW had things ended up this way?! I felt like such a failure to my children. I was angry at God for not knowing what to do to FIX THIS! 
   I wish I could say our miracle was just around the corner... but I'll move onto the next post with 2013 and 2014. The story is still unfolding. 

 

   

Eliana FAITH Craft (Emphasis Important)

How do I summarize the past five years in a single blog post?! In this case, I feel it simply cannot be done. So with the way you would eat any "elephant"... it will be one bite at a time. I'll start with the birth of our "rainbow baby" and "nothing-less-than-amazing" daughter and work my way forwards. It seems this is the most efficient way of getting up to speed with where life has taken us. It certainly has been a ride. 
   As I eluded to in my last post in 2012... Eliana Faith Craft was born August 24, 2011. Right between my two sisters' birthdays... Alyssa's being on the 23rd, and Olivia's on the 25th. Seems Todd had a sense of humor that GOD admired when he commented that it would be "So funny" if she was born THAT DAY!  That day was TRULY a memory for more than one reason. We had a small earthquake the day before that was felt from SC to VA. It was dominating the local news all day. Me.... I missed it. I remember CRYING in my van in the Target parking lot because I was HUGE pregnant and having to take two rambunctious...and sometimes downright naughty boys shopping. It was hot... and my feet were swollen. I just wanted to go home.  Apparently somewhere between waddling to my car with sauntering children in tow, and the cart return... the ground shook, and I missed it. 
   That night, my water broke at a little after midnight after a HUGE contraction. I had been awake, timing them on the computer website I found. My "plan" was to WAIT for things to progress more before heading to the hospital. I love how God/Mother Nature/pregnancy doesn't care about our plans. When my water broke... it wasn't normal clear fluid... it was like pea soup.... meconium(baby poop for those less versed in childbirth terms).  This was a HUGE RED FLAG for the health/safety of Eliana. So I RUSHED to wake up Todd... who had taken NyQuil before going to bed for a raging cold. He was so druggy that he has said he doesn't even remember driving to the hospital!  I was praying she was okay, and this wouldn't cause her serious harm. 
   When we arrived, the doctor hooked me to an IV right away and began pushing antibiotics for me and her(in utero). I had tested positive for Group B strep as well. She assured me they would do everything to keep her from aspirating we she was born. The NICU team would be there to assess her and transport her if needed when she was born.
   The hours of labor ticked by, and I was praying for a supernatural, pain free childbirth. As much as I'd like to say that was the case... it was not. I was adamantly against the epidural, and held out for several hours without the lesser pain meds. Finally I caved after my Stadol wasn't working anymore, and asked HOW MUCH LONGER?! When the dr said I was 5-6 centimeters... approx. 4-5 hours more... I asked to find the epidural doc! But as God would have it... he wasn't needed. After two HUGE contractions... she was READY to meet us! They barely had time to get the doctor back downstairs from her nap! (She had retreated for a break after telling me I had HOURS to go!) She delivered Eliana before the NICU team could even arrive! Knowing her possible distress, she suctioned her out before stimulating her to breathe, and began cleaning her off. The NICU team came rushing in.... late... but thankfully NOT NEEDED!!! Eliana was perfect! 8lbs 2oz. and 19" long.   Golden red/orange hair... and dark blue eyes. 
   I can't explain the culmination of emotions that I felt the moment they handed her to me... the feeling of loss, grieving her sister that we never got to meet, the joy of promises and prophecy FINALLY being FULFILLED. A year's worth of feelings surged forward in one instant.  Then KNOWING she was ok.... not in danger. (They had also diagnosed her with a heart murmur the week before she was born via ultrasound and I had to have a special MFM doctor look at her in utero. We were told sometimes the murmur would dissipate after birth, or she may need more testing, observation, etc. The moment she was born... they listened to her THREE times... no murmur found!!!) It had been present EVEN on the monitor hours before her birth! Another gift from GOD... no sorrows added. 
   From that day forward... she has been nothing short of amazing. Although I would have wished she SLEPT MORE as a baby! :) 

Homeschool Reflections

My boys are quite the handful when it comes to school work. Actually they are quite "spirited" when it comes to most things....to be polite! No one ever prepared me for having two boys less than two years apart! Keeping them in line and on task takes most of the day.

My oldest, Josiah, is six and was diagnosed with sensory processing issues when he was not quite four years old. He seems to forget how to walk and not run; that beds are for sleeping, not jumping; the "boom" sound is just the trash man(he freaks out), and God gave us bottoms for sitting and not our knees. He is highly intelligent and loves to read, and is very proficient at it too! Math suits him well....double digit addition and telling time without help already! Then comes handwriting and grammar. The things that make our day, well, tense. If he makes one mistake doing handwriting or has trouble sounding out a word...look out! His pencil goes flying and all efforts to not slump over in the chair go out the window.

All this being said, I have learned that depsite his sensory and auditory filtering issues, he CAN learn, and retains things at an astonishing rate! I am proud of how he can repeat lessons learned weeks later! I believe the key to is functionality is doing his lessons in small spurts. Math, reading, break. Science, break. Spelling...two breaks! (One for Mommy after grammar.) Then at night we do our read-alouds/Bible with Daddy. During our "break" time we do Wii Fit, ride our bikes, or anything gross motor to get some of the wiggles out!

Then there's Jeremiah. He's a complex middle child at only four. He is small for his age, but his volume level will make up for that! He's the first one to "yell" that we forgot the blessing at mealtime, but also the one who sneaks down the hall at night to sleep with Mommy. I have seen glimpses of sensory issues(hence the volume issues and he hates to be dirty), but nothing as severe as Josiah's. I know he's technically preschool age, but he thinks he's an equal at times with his brother, so we do kindergarten work with him at times too. He's more calculated and less impulsive, and quite a "thinker" when he wants to have a heart-to-heart chat.

I think the thing that I'm most proud of are the things we've all learned in our first year and a half of homeschool. 1) Homeschool is more about figuring out life lessons and gaining academics along the way. 2) Spiritual and emotional growth are just as integral as academic growth. 3) Lessons can be done at night or on weekends if the daytime becomes too hectic. 4) Each child learns differently...especially children with sensory issues. 5) To remember that even though they're young now....to see them as how I/God would want them to be at 24 and 26, and train them accordingly.

Whew! Tiring yet rewarding! Then there's the five month old princess....

New Year, New Journey

Greetings from 2011! Sorry these posts are more infrequent than I would like. Things change in no time! I guess I should start with December 2010..what a month. It was like any other month until Christmas. I was hoping and praying again that THIS would be our month for our rainbow baby! I had kinda given up on December when the test came back negative on December 22nd. I had already shifted my focus to 2011 and what the new year could bring.
   On Christmas Eve morning, I awoke feeling horrible. I was sick and couldnt get to my doctor, so I was searching for an urgent care. Josiah was sick as well. I thought maybe I'd test ONE MORE TIME, seeing as how AF was due that day. I was getting ready to go buy some serious cold meds and totally NOT be sick on Christmas Day! OR SO I THOUGHT! I took the test @ 3am when I awoke to help Jeremiah who had woken up crying. I got a FAINT second line! I was totally taken aback! I thought maybe b/c I was sick my eyes were playing tricks on me! I actually woke up Todd to ask him to read the test for me! He said there was a faint second line, and after 5 mins he went back to sleep! He said he had had a feeling about December.
   After going to urgent care and telling the doctor I was newly pregnant, I found out that Josiah and I both had strep throat! What a way to spend Christmas. After a few days of antibiotic and Tylenol, I felt better.
   Then there was Christmas Day...which went well...other than me being dog tired and feeling so bad I slept for an hour after breakfast! I didnt have THAT many symptoms until the week of New Years...which we spent @ Nana's house with Gidget, Robert, and Kaleigh. Todd of course had told them that weekend. We had told my mom the weekend of Christmas just b/c she was GOING to see me @ church every week and She would know before long anyway!
   My first OB visit came on January 12th..with Dr. Flanagan. I went in 2 days prior to my scheduled visit due to spotting I had after straining(constipation is the new word of the week). I had to take the boys with me..NOT my idea of a good visit. But the visit itself went fine. She did a confirmation ultrasound to take a quick peek at the baby and make sure she was there! I was SO surprised when she did the exam and was able to SEE and HEAR the baby's heartbeat!!!! I cried on the table! I could feel my face getting flushed as she measured the heartrate! She was very encouraging and told me about the drastically decreased risk of miscarriage after seeing the heartbeat, etc. When she left for me to redress, I sat in the chair and felt awash of relief and joy, mixed with the most sincere gratitude. I prayed to thank GOD right then and there in that chair.
  I kept my original Jan. 14th appt.and saw Dr. Mong...who gave me an EDD if September 1st. I saw August 31st! But its a difference of 1 day!(oh, the baby was measuring 6w 1d which is in the normal realm when we did the ultrasound on Wednesday prior).
   These last few months have been FAR from easy!!! There are days when DOUBT tries to rear its ugly head! I have taken dry erase markers and written scripture on the bathroom mirrors so that I HAVE to see the WORD everyday! Its God's promises for the baby in Psalms 139:13-14 and I Samuel 1:27-28!!!! I was able to share our testimony 2 Sundays ago in front of the congregation at River of Life...the very place where Dempsey prayed those faithful words one Sunday in November! I thought I'd have trouble sharing..but this baby is such an absolute ANSWER to prayer that I couldnt help but SHARE!!!! I thank GOD for her each time I see my belly growing! I know that I need to be patient, but WHO can when GOD has seen to bless us with such a miracle????
    I feel compelled to share one thing that has truly touched me during this who TTC journey. Back in December...there was one day at Chili's when we were eating dinner and Jeremiah asked me TWICE, "Mommy, you got a baby in your belly?" I told him then I didnt know. But I think he did. He's also told me at times, "Mommy, the baby's ok." He kisses my belly everyday and talks to the baby. The other day he was whispering on my lap and when I asked what he was doing, he said, "talking to the baby". He has asked all kinds of questions from how the baby eats to today when he told me the baby is sleeping in your tummy.
   Josiah has taken a small interest...he kisses my belly and says I Love You to the baby...but not as much as Jeremiah has.
   Today I'm hoping to kick this virus that has me whispering! Bad sore throat day! My next OB visit is on February 21st, but I probably wont get another ultrasound then. :( I'll have to wait until 16 or 20 weeks I guess. Here's hoping summer comes SOON! Thanks Daddy(Jesus) again for entrusting me with beautiful children and one more to add to my fold. I can never say enough to express my love and gratitude.

Looking to the Future

Well...sorry for the haitus from posting here. Its been a long, busy month. Every month since September I have sat here in the TWW(two week wait for those who arent familiar with "conception" lingo). Every month I have prayed that THIS is our month for our rainbow baby to make herself known. I feel like NOW I need to take a different approach to our request. I feel now it should be less of a request and more of a demand on HEAVEN for the things I have been promised. I believe GOD says DEMAND of ME what you need. He aslready knows my petition! In church last Sunday, brother Dempsey had the all the couples trying for a baby to stand and had the husbands LAY HANDS on their wifes abdomen and petition Heaven for their child. I tried my hardest not to cry but stood there with tears streaming as he prayed. He spoke to EVERY hinderance and called it naught! I truly believe now I need to stand and PROFESS my DAUGHTER to come. I now need to TELL SATAN where to get off! He cant ROB me of another child...and should have NEVER been ALLOWED my last baby! It surely is a walk of daily FAITH to say..."I am pregnant with a beautiful daughter and she's 100% healthy and will have a normal healthy pregnancy!" I swallow hard just trying to see the outcome of such prayers!
    As for the boys...well....they're boys. They are precious to me. They ANNOY the crap out of me everyday....but I still walk the hall at least once a night to check on them. And I still kiss their faces at night when they are asleep. I wish they would fight LESS and LOVE more. I think they have heard my petition for just that...the other day when Todd was roughhousing with them Jeremiah yells,"It is better to be PATIENT than to FIGHT!!!!" I laughed to myself. At least not all my words go unheeded! I think they get bored of being inside...I need to take them out more...they whine about being outside though! They always wanna go in!
   Well....Chiristmas is on its way, and oh the shopping! We've got about HALF of my LARGE family done..and NONE of Todd's family. But I hope to make a dent in that statistic next week while in PA...they have outlet malls! Enough said! I'm truly hoping that this year's PA trip will be BETTER than last year's....which was disastrous. The kids fought each other, got hurt, cried for Daddy, threw up, etc! We ended up driving home Thanksgiving Day to ease my peace of mind and before Jeremiah totally ruined Tonya's carpet with puke!
  I havent figured out how to post pictures yet...when I do, I'll post the boys newest set of pics. They turned out really well in spite of the fiasco at the studio of changing outfits for each new set! And of course, my mom fussing about how noisy they were, and all the trouble they were getting into, and were we done yet...etc. I know she meant well, but THAT in and of itself was just as stressing as the kids misbeahaving!
  Well....until next time..the dryer has stopped...my floors need mopped...and the kids are yelling to be FED--again! Not that breakfast wasnt just three hours ago!

Picture Perfect

SO today we're meeting my sister to take pictures at her work. She works at a photography studio and has a free session. I'm taking the boys, Todd has to work. As cute as the idea of family pics, and pics of the boys are....I cant help but remember that there will never be pics of the baby we lost. I didnt even get an ultrasound picture to keep. I know enough not to dwell on these things...but its times like this that bring those things to mind. My sister said I should take a picture with the boys, and as I scoured my closet for just the right outfit I saw the maternity clothes in the back of the closet. I SHOULD be wearing THOSE clothes for my picture today...to showcase that baby bump; but I'm not. So...even the daily tasks are hard at times. I'll post the pictures when I figure out how. Until then, be blessed.